Gryffindor: Do what is right
Ravenclaw: Do what is wise
Hufflepuff: Do what is kind
Slytherin: PUT A FUCKING BASILISK IN THE CASTLE
— HogwartsLogic

I feel like people in horror movies live in an alternate universe where there are no horror movies.
— BizzieLaehr

on earth: a magician puts his hand in his hat
in the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. it is time. the rabbit council must chose a sacrifice
— jonnysun

Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. It’s always the same angel. It’s covered in wings now and wants to die but can’t
— iscoff

Winter is like the Earth’s period. No one likes it, but we get worried when it’s late
— Shower Thoughts

“A smile is the prettiest thing you can wear.” No. The prettiest thing you can wear is the flayed skin of a stranger telling you to smile.
— missokistic

I love how whenever ghosts or spirits are incorporated into television or film they’re always like 19th century British children or present-day deceased loved ones. Over 100 billion people have lived and are dead now. Do you know what percentage of 100 billion are from Victorian-era England or people you actually knew? Like negative zero percent is how many. And yet I haven’t seen a single movie where the ghost is some really confused guy from the Mesolithic period.
— outofcharacterquilts

In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.
— hypermog

“There’s a monster under my bed!”
“Yes. He watches over you at night and chases away your nightmares.”

“There’s a monster in my closet!”
“Yes. She loves the smell of the laundry detergent I use, and she’s busy trying to organize your shoes.”

“There’s a monster under the stairs!”
“Yes. She collects spiders and he makes sure you don’t trip while going to get water.”

“There’s a monster right outside my window!”
“Yes. He’s pulling weeds from the garden and protecting us from burglars.”

“There’s a monster behind the couch!”
“Yes. He’s eating all the crumbs you left behind and hiding pennies in the cushions.”

“Oh. Then good night.”
“Good night, Dear.”

— markvincentofdesertbluffs

if i was a ghost i would do useful things like let the cat out or take flammable things off the stove and sing to small children when they can’t sleep and terrify the fuck out of assholes hell yeah bitches. what was that? did I hear you make a derogatory remark about women? bam, your lamp is now on the floor what cha going to do punk? are you abusing that child? wambo, your walls are now bleeding motherfucker
— no-need-4-hats-thx

I’m eating your food and your Netflix suggestions are gonna be fucked up.
“Why the fuck would I be watching Supernatural?”
“Ooooooo don’t take that off your queue oooooo.”
— Tyree