Honey, I made the news! Apparently that old lady I fought at the library wasn’t a ghost
— weinerdog4life

kids have you applied the minty paste to the exposed part of your skeleton? yes? well now it is time to lie down in a dark room for hours
— egg_dog

Tell the barista your name is Beetlejuice and then get the fuck outta there.
— QwertyJones3

what if an ouija board was like an afterlife call center
“hey joey, line 396 is open. three teenagers in the dark want to talk to some ghost or something”
“i’m gonna prank them so hard”
“joey no”
“im gonna say i’m satan”
“JOEY THIS IS WHY THEY MADE A SHITTY MOVIE ABOUT US”
— michaelskanks

My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “Who murdered this guy with a pipe?”
— jordan_stratton

You never hear about a new ghost. “Oh yeah, this place is haunted since Jeff died last Tuesday.”
— juliussharpe

TEACHER: We caught your child playing doctor with another student
ME: Thats natur-
TEACHER: He was trepanning her.
— Puercotron

thats me in the corner that’s me in the spotlight why’s this spotlight in the corner
clearly I’m trying to avoid the spotlight that’s why I’m in the corner
— DanaSchwartzzz

can’t wait til i’m a ghost and a dude with a tape recorder asks if there’s anything i’d like to communicate and i get to go “no thank you”
— tarashoe

if your grave doesnt say “rest in peace” on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war
— dril