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Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there’s an increased chance that they will see you later.
— Pundamentalism
I want my house to be tidy enough so that if someone drops by unexpectedly it doesn’t look like we’re six days into battling a poltergeist.
— LizHackett
I don’t have a resting bitch face. My bitch face is always on duty, ever vigilant. My bitch face will rest when its work is done.
— awesomonster
if i die on a hill it’s gonna be the bottom of that hill. i’m not climbing up a hill to die
— futurecreaturre
*Heaven*
God: you may ask me 1 question
Me: Why aren’t there lowercase and uppercase numbers?
God: what?
Me: I wanna write loud numbers
— LeBearGirdle
As your goth financial advisor I urge you to bury all of your possessions & then on your death bed whisper their location to a stranger.
— DothTheDoth
I know that “rainbow bridge” thing people say when a pet dies originated in a poem, but I can’t help but think, “Mittens went to Asgard.”
— Jenny_Trout
“Dad where do babies come from?”
“Son, when birds & bees mate, they make us afterward. We’re birdbees, son. Abominations. And we’re hunted.”
— Home_Halfway
why did everyone play the recorder in fourth grade what were they training us for
— dariatbh
I feel like I missed an amazing opportunity to make my wedding registry be only haunted dolls.
— LizHackett
Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »
August 23rd, 2017 at 7:38 am
All cats go to Asgard. They are, after all, nature’s perfect killing machines.