The Art of Darkness

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August 22nd, 2017 by Cobwebs

Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there’s an increased chance that they will see you later.

I want my house to be tidy enough so that if someone drops by unexpectedly it doesn’t look like we’re six days into battling a poltergeist.

I don’t have a resting bitch face. My bitch face is always on duty, ever vigilant. My bitch face will rest when its work is done.

if i die on a hill it’s gonna be the bottom of that hill. i’m not climbing up a hill to die

God: you may ask me 1 question
Me: Why aren’t there lowercase and uppercase numbers?
God: what?
Me: I wanna write loud numbers

As your goth financial advisor I urge you to bury all of your possessions & then on your death bed whisper their location to a stranger.

I know that “rainbow bridge” thing people say when a pet dies originated in a poem, but I can’t help but think, “Mittens went to Asgard.”

“Dad where do babies come from?”
“Son, when birds & bees mate, they make us afterward. We’re birdbees, son. Abominations. And we’re hunted.”

why did everyone play the recorder in fourth grade what were they training us for

I feel like I missed an amazing opportunity to make my wedding registry be only haunted dolls.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

One Response

  1. Mim (@crinolinerobot) Says:

    All cats go to Asgard. They are, after all, nature’s perfect killing machines.

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