The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

March 19th, 2019 by Cobwebs

[to the tune of Alexander Hamilton]

Hwæt Hwæ-Hwæ-Hwæ Hwæ-Hwæ Hwæt!


How does a Geat-Wægmunding, Ecgtheow’s son,
fresh from Gotland, dropped in the middle of Heorot under Hrothgar,
star in a tale by a scop on a lyre,
& end up burning on a funeral pyre?


more vampires should have obsessive weird hobbies
“I’m making a stop motion animated film out of bonsai trees, i’ve been at it since the 70s its 3 minutes long”

“i’ve been breeding parrots purely for intelligence, this is Arnaldo, he can do basic multiplication, he’s my 5th generation african grey”

like you got endless amount of time make weirrrd STUFF


sir that’s my emotional support decaying portrait that portrays all my sins

My favourite knuckle tat idea is PLAN AHEA

Dracula: *transforms into a bat*
Me: OMG flappy sky puppy come here there is a blanket and I’ve got the brushybrushy for you do you want the brushybrushy
Dracula: *tiny voice* yes

Being a grandpa must be tough, some baby mispronounces a word and suddenly your name is “Peepo” for the last 30 years of your life

DM now stands for Dungeon MANAGING. You have no budget and they only promoted you to downsize one of the Truth and Lies door guards (“why do we need TWO,” upper management said). The creature that lies in deep waters wants to talk to you about his performance review.

[job interview]
willy wonka: what experience do you have hiding bodies
oompa loompa: i’m sorry i was told this was for a factory position

Embrace imposter syndrome.
Revel in the fact you have fooled everyone.
You are a Trickster Goddess.
You are the Imposter Child for Deception and Clever Ruses.

Hades: babe what’s wrong?
Persephone, drunk, scratching two of cerberus’ heads, weeping: I don’t have enough hands

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 3 Comments »

3 Responses

  1. Pixel Pixie Says:

    When my nephew was young, he couldn’t pronounce Gs and mispronounced things in general, and then my mother became “Rummy”.

  2. Devriesx Says:

    The one about Dracula must be from a Batzilla fan

  3. Mim Says:

    When my nephew was born, my husband Pete was adamant he was NOT going to be ‘Uncle Peepee’.

    I guess Willy Wonka must’ve had a fair few factory fatalities over the years…

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