The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

September 22nd, 2010 by Cobwebs

I would’ve bought you flowers, but a drunk hamster lives about as long, costs the same, and is much more entertaining.

My Native American name is “Seems Harmless at First”.

No sir, I was NOT born yesterday. What kind of giant scary-ass newborns are you accustomed to seeing?

In 24 hours it’s been down a garbage chute and a flight of stairs and it almost fell in the toilet. My phone’s possessed by Joaquin Phoenix.

I’m missing a fitted sheet and that can only mean one thing. There’s a ghost out there with absolutely no sense of style

If I was Billy Zane, I’d probably tell every person I met I was in “Titanic”. It would pass the time while my eyebrows devoured them.

If I was a Jewish drag queen, I think I’d call myself Labia Menorah.

Maybe the dingo gave your baby to someone who wasn’t so fucking neglectful. You ever consider that?

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

One Response

  1. ysha Says:

    I look forward to these every week. I wish I was clever enough to have said some of these things, though I may now :)

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