The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

March 23rd, 2011 by Cobwebs

This all-you-can-eat buffet is a rip-off. There are so many things I can eat that aren’t here. For instance: crayons.

If I could have dinner w/ any 2 people from history, I’d pick Anne Frank & Hitler, because it would be so awkward for Hitler.

I cope better with the loud stomping of the lady upstairs if I imagine that she’s a Tyrannosaurus who just was told about masturbation.

Sleep tight! And if I’m the one who finds your dead body. I will dress you up like a Smurf, and say that’s how I found you.

Planting a mime in my backyard. Not for a mime tree. Just had to put the body somewhere.

Aquariums are supposed to be stress-reducers, but the one full of lobsters at the grocery store gives off really tense vibes.

the eyes are the windows to the dollhouse I made out of a human skull!!

If all the farts in this bedroom ever coalesce, that is gonna be one scary ghost.

I bought my wife a Japanese sex toy but it got away and scuttled up to a corner of the ceiling where it’s now just staring at me. Silently.

Does Jesus have a vestigial organ made of Communion wafer? Or does he just hack willy-nilly? “This is my body. That’s a toe!”

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

2 Responses

  1. Burning Prairie Says:

    My parenting motto is: Just because it’s non-toxic doesn’t mean you can eat it.

  2. xJane Says:

    Sween is, as ever, brilliant. I now have a mental image of a cylindrically-shaped, boneless appendage of Jesus’ being thinly sliced for communion. And regenerated, Prometheus-like, in time for the next mass.

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