Helpful Tip
Just in case you ever need to become fully awake at 3 a.m., allow me to share my method:
- Have a small child awake shrieking from some sort of Nightmare Extravaganza with SurroundSound.
- Stumble into his room and spend quite a long time calming and reassuring him. When he’s finally asleep, lurch back to bed.
- Juuust as your eyes are beginning to close, hear him crying hysterically and begging for you.
- When you stagger back into his room, have him look up at you with wide, terror-filled eyes and whisper despairingly, “Mommy…she’s out.”
(Also, why does even the most mundane sentence sound a hundred times creepier when uttered by a small child?)
Children. An endless source of entertainment. Also terror.
*I don’t believe in ghosts, except at 3 o’clock in the morning, when I totally believe in them.
**And they’re probably those Japanese ghosts with pale skin and long hair and Big Goddamn Fangs. Not that I’m projecting.
Posted in Bittens, Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »