Elevator? Nonsense. This is a traveling hugging booth and I see you’ve selected the button for 16 hugs. So let’s get to it. Come here, you!
— MrBigFists

Sometimes I wish natural selection was something you could nominate people for.
— Paxochka

If we end up in a Civil War with our Robot Overlords, I’m taking out that evil red-eyed automated towel dispenser in the bathroom first.
— FlyoverJoel

I bought a carton of oat milk just to support the kind of person who can find udders on an oat.
— warrenellis

Don’t you hate it when time travelers from the future want a photo with you but then refuse to say why they’re laughing?
— badbanana

It’s looking very likely that, come 2015, we will still need roads. #docbrownlied
— SethMacFarlane

There’s no law against putting on clown makeup and lurking in the woods near a high school kegger.
— BarrettChase

Counting sheep doesn’t help you fall sleep if you re-cast “Predator” in your mind with an all-sheep cast. “Baa! Get to da choppa! Baa!”
— sween

Couples wouldn’t fight as often if they remember how defenseless their toothbrushes are when their significant other goes to the bathroom.
— MistookMistake

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
— donni