The Art of Darkness

Wolfpack of Reseda

May 17th, 2012 by Cobwebs

Wolfpack ImageA Fox PR flack dropped me a line about a “new Werewolf Mini Series comedy from FOX,” saying that he thought it might interest my readers. Well it might, but not necessarily in the manner intended.

Wolfpack of Reseda follows the story of a car insurance-selling nebbish who gets bitten by a werewolf and develops loads of self-confidence. Remember Teen Wolf? Yeah, that.

Allow me to quote from the news article supplied to me:

Ben March (Tate Ellington) is struggling to sell car insurance amid the alpha males who rule the office. A mysterious animal bite changes his outlook, however, granting him enhanced senses and a wicked pair of mutton chops. Ben’s nice guy demeanor soon gives way to cockiness.

“Being a werewolf is like being a [tool], which I thought was really funny,” Leone [the director] explained when reached by phone. “It’s kind of a funny way to look at it, in an office environment. I like the collision between the mundane and this classic monster. When we talked about this project, we talked about ‘Office Space’ and ‘Fight Club’ and then werewolves.”

And now, the “additional story” blurb from the official Myspace site (Myspace? Really?):

In 1810, Padre Garcia, a Spanish missionary at the Rancho San Fernando, wrote of a strange howling out in the Valley. It would be the last entry in his diary…

Padre Garcia’s untimely death came after he had succumbed to temptation and fallen in love with a young, Eastern European gypsy girl who, with her clan, was camped on the banks of the LA river. Her father, furious at the thought of their union, called upon an old witch to put a curse on the Padre. Her black magic called upon the spirit of the wolf.

The next night, as Padre Garcia and his young love met, his outpost was attacked by a pack of wild, blood-thirsty beasts. He fought back valiantly, enough to save his lover, but he himself was bitten badly. In time, his wounds would heal, but in the process, he began to take on traits of his attackers. As the time of the full moon approached, he feared that he would lose all control and pose a threat to his beloved. As night fell, the Padre took his own life by falling on a large cross.

Padre Garcia was buried by his fellow missionaries in an unmarked grave, in what is now Reseda Park. In 2009, a young man jogging through the park under the cover of night fell on a tree root and badly cut his leg. His open wounds were exposed to the earth that was infused with the blood of the tragic priest. Nearly two centuries later, there are werewolves in Reseda.

I will allow a short break for vigorous eye-rolling.

You guys, I am genuinely pissed off by this. Finally, somebody decides to jump off the zombie bandwagon and explore a different classic monster, and they go about it in the most ham-fisted way imaginable. If you programmed a computer with every 50’s B-movie monster trope and told it to produce a werewolf backstory, it would spit out something that looked remarkably like this. If you then input a montage of “ordinary guy gains unusual ability, becomes self-confident and/or a dick,” I assume the computer could write the whole series. (Also, nearly every review of the series I’ve found specifically mentions the laughably-conspicuous product placement for Kia, the show’s sponsor.) The site itself appears to be trying for “hip,” but mainly looks like “trying for ‘hip’.” I am disappoint.

Anyway, the series is free to watch online. Reviews are reasonably favorable, and since each episode is only 15 minutes in length giving it a try should be fairly painless. Probably.

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