I’m the only one who knows this is a murder mystery dinner
— meganamram

[Antiques Roadshow]
Do you see how your shadow turns toward the doll irrespective of the light? She’ll do quite well at auction, but that’s the least of your problems now
— suntzufuntzu

HOW TO AVOID A WEREWOLF ATTACK:
1. Do not run. Maintain eye contact.
2. Question their dominance. “Who’s a good boy?”
3. Keep them in suspense. “Who’s a good boy?!”
4. Pop the surprise. “YOU are!”
5. Treats. Hard biscuits tackle bad breath and improve digestive health.
— PaintYourDragon

Necromancers are just healers who don’t give up.
— Loudwindow

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors, before any inspirational quotes get in.
— thewritertype

When walking past a bookstore, please do not tap the glass!! You will scare the books and then have to buy them all to comfort them.
— PaperFury

If you delete the word “of” from most D&D magic items, it sounds like you’re naming jazz musicians: Boots Elvenkind, Bag Holding, Ray Enfeeblement, etc.
Apparatus the Crab is a 90s alt band though
— Diacritic

when bodyguards whisper into their jacket they are telling their pocketworm that she is their best friend
— DemiLardner

I Was Transported Into A Fantasy World But Magic And Using A Sword Is Real Hard So I Guess I’m Learning How To Rotate Crops
— spacetwinks

People always think it would be cool to be friends with ghosts but probably a lot of those ghosts would be racist
— MaraWilson