The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

May 7th, 2019 by Cobwebs

[an awkward minute passes as Death struggles to pick up change from the countertop]
Death: (embarrassed) ha ha slippery coins
Drugstore Clerk: nah man it’s cuz you got them bone hands
Ygrene

Your skeleton is just a gift that time slowly unwraps.
dorsalstream

My son has reached an age where he’s becoming curious about the human body, so I think I’m gonna have to drag it out of the crawlspace and bury it behind the shed.
thechrisschmidt

The worst part about insomnia is having to eat spiders while conscious
Prof_Hinkley

My outgoing message on my voicemail is 40 seconds of my dog licking himself. If you want to leave me a voicemail you’re gonna work for it.
jessokfine

[getting ready for plans I shouldn’t have made]
ME: *standing in shower opening and closing shower curtain* here, killer killer killer
PleaseBeGneiss

“I see my assassins failed.”
-how I’m going to greet people from now on
Buffalojill

if a ghost picks a fight with you keep your elbows tucked in aim for the soft spots and remember someone already killed that motherfucker once
minkpinkustink

i don’t go in bouncy castles because i’m afraid of bouncy dracula
blainecapatch

When God closes a door, he opens a window, and that’s how all the angel squirrels got in here.
dorsalstream

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