The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

March 17th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Wind noises
Mess with cat
Get Scrooge to check his shit
Move knick knacks
Gaze at cheeseburger, unable to weep

I just went to Jane Austen third base: making unpleasant eye contact with a handsome man on subway.

My new hobby is sitting outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say “You can see me?”

parenting tip
if you want to avoid the world’s aggressive gendering of your infant, consider skipping the pink dresses or blue coveralls in favor of dressing your baby solely in tiny halloween costumes

strangers on the sidewalk: aww, is it a boy or a girl?

you: uh…it’s pretty clearly a DINOSAUR

My spellchecker just softly and silently corrected “tumblr” to “tumor”. And I thought, WHAT DOES IT KNOW THAT I DO NOT?

“You have my sword.”
“And you have my bow.”
“And my axe!”
“And my humidifier!”
“That’s nice, Murray.”
– The Fellowship of the Ring & Murray

before blaming others, think: whats the 1 constant in all your failed relationships? its that cursed egyptian amulet why do u even have that

Gets tattoo in Sanskrit meaning: “It doesn’t say anything.”

Kids having the best time ever sound exactly the same as kids being axe-murdered.

I just described Purim to someone as “Jewish Halloween.” Or, Challahween.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 4 Comments »

“You Got Your Taylor Swift in My Nine Inch Nails!”

March 16th, 2015 by Cobwebs

“You Got Your Nine Inch Nails in My Taylor Swift!”

This mashup by Isosine shouldn’t work at all. Instead, I sort of want Taylor Swift and Trent Reznor to cut an album together.

Posted in Paint It Black | 3 Comments »

The Imitation Link Dump

March 13th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Skull Fried Egg Ring – Amusing mold for making your breakfast a little more macabre.

Tea & Absinthe – “Decadence and Delight for the Elegantly Geeky.” (Hat tip to Kitten Herder)

Machine Age Lamps – Gorgeous–and commensurately pricey–steampunk light fixtures.

Werner Herzog Inspirationals – The wit and wisdom of Werner Herzog, paired with “inspirational” photos. Man, there’s a Tumblr for everything. (via Burning Prairie)

Ouija Be Mine – Neat little animated papercraft ouija-themed Valentine. Too late for this year; bookmark it for next.

Weirdo Toys – “The Home for Odd, Ugly, and Neglected Toys” (Hat tip to Fiend4Halloween)

Zombie Apocalypse – Whimsical(?) fabric with a zombie motif. There’s a companion pattern panel for making your own stuffed zombie and her undead dog.

Uncanny Art Shop – Etsy store filled with oddly creepy plush toys and not-at-all-oddly creepy candles resembling body parts. No, not those parts. (Hat tip to pdq)

Severus Snape in Chronological Order – Snape’s story is mostly told in out-of-sequence flashbacks. This fan-made cut strings them all together in the correct order, telling Snape’s own story of heartbreak.

Out of Context D&D Quotes – “Is Z-snapping considered a free action?” (via Cat)

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Vegan Antlers

March 12th, 2015 by Cobwebs

ElkebanaIkebana is the Japanese art of flower arranging. The aptly-named Elkebana bills itself as “the first trophy for plant lovers,” and consists of a wall-mounted plaque with two hand-blown vases for arranging botanicals. The photo section of their site has a number of floral designs with fanciful names like, “Xavier the Deer,” “Isodoro the Oryx,” and “Pierre the Chamois.”

The only drawback is the price; at €99, this sucker is priced for the sort of people who would name an oryx Isodoro.

This would, fortunately, be pretty easy to DIY. Depending upon your skill level, you could either cut a thick plywood trophy base and sink a couple of wells to accommodate the vases, or just buy a cheap antler mounting kit and some slender glass bud vases which fit into the antler holes.

The floral arrangements can be long-term, like curly willow branches or silk flowers, or changed with the season. Then you can point to the trophy and proudly tell guests that you bagged it yourself.

(via BoredPanda)

Posted in Bad Things | 1 Comment »

Stuff I Found While Looking Around

March 11th, 2015 by Cobwebs

It’s time for another bunch of random stuff I’ve found which I want to share but can’t hang a whole post on. Some of them have no attribution, so if you happen to know the source for any of these please leave a note in the comments. (Click to view larger.)

Bat Manicure

Bat Manicure

The Facebook group I found this on vaguely credited VampireFreaks, but I didn’t see any similar photos and didn’t feel like registering to do an in-depth search. Anyway. These would be impossible to type with, but I love the wavy edges.
Poe Pocket Watch

Poe Pocket Watch

This lovely sculpture is by All Natural Arts
Fluffy Moth

Fluffy Moth

Oversize moths seem to be a fairly popular subject for textile arts, and they always make me sort of melancholy because I want a kitten-sized moth as a pet. This lovely example is by Yumi Okita; you can see more of her work here.
Castle Bed

Castle Bed

Huh. This is the first time I’ve ever done a Google image search and gotten back nothing but Facebook pages. That’s vaguely disheartening. Anyway, this is a completely awesome bed/play area (or bunk bed; it’s hard to tell). I kind of want a bed like this.
Carved Skull

Carved Crocodile Skull

This astonishingly intricate piece is by Bali Organic Arts, which seems to be an artist collective. They’ve got a Facebook Page, website, and Etsy shop, where they sell carved wooden pieces as well as skulls. (It’s unclear whether their bone pieces are humanely harvested, so shop with caution.)
Steampunk Chandelier

Steampunk Chandelier

A reverse image search turns up nothing but aggregator sites, so I’m not sure where this came from originally, but it is sublime. The little spidery hands holding up each Edison bulb are the perfect combination of steampunk and goth.
Vampire Teabags

Vampire Teabags

This zipped pouch for carrying tampons is, as the Etsy store describes it, indiscreet. But it’s also, y’know, funny. It’d be pretty easily DIY-able with painted stencils or embroidery.
Notice to Time Travelers

Notice: Travellers from the Future

This faux PSA for time travelers is by Miguel Marquez. I quite like the idea of printing up similar notices and posting them anonymously.
Beetlejuice Cabinet

Beetlejuice Cabinet

Fiend4Halloween pointed me to this gorgeous piece by FourthDimensionCo. Their furniture is handmade, hence the price, but Fiend4Halloween notes that it might be possible to repurpose an existing cabinet with stencils. Be sure to also check out the same seller’s vintage-style carnival ticket booth.
Steampunk Fairy

Steampunk Fairy

I unfortunately have no information about who made this pretty thing; in a reverse image search, all roads lead to Pinterest and/or Facebook. I’d guess that the wings are something like plywood or maybe acrylic, cut with a jigsaw and painted. I adore the detailing on the dress.
Arm Chain

Shoulder Chain

I like this interesting jewelry idea by Etsy seller xTarnishedx. It’s like a fancy epaulet.

Posted in Whatever | 2 Comments »

Dave’s Geeky Ideas

March 10th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Ouija CarpetStop. Before you read any further, go clear your schedule for the next few hours. You’ll be spending them digging through the archives of Dave’s Geeky Ideas.

I found the ouija board decor photo above posted on an aggregator site, but for a wonder, the watermark hadn’t been cut off so I was able to find the original creator. It’s a concept design by Dave Delisle, and there’s lots more where that came from.

The site is devoted to just what it says on the tin: Geeky ideas that Dave has. As he says in his FAQ:

I post all kinds of ideas, usually of the geeky variety. I strive to create content that does not exist anywhere else. A lot of this is ‘dreaming out-loud’ or ‘food-for-thought’ or ‘wishful thinking’, but hopefully presented in an entertaining way.

He notes that he isn’t interested in manufacturing any of these things–frequently there are licensing or logistical obstacles–but he also doesn’t mind if somebody else is inspired to create something he’s suggested. He even recommends resources for the custom manufacture of his designs.

The site is a treasure trove of geeky and gothy DIY ideas, from a Zelda floating rupee to a Supernatural-inspired Blu-Ray case to a LOTR jewelry box (which would be a great way to showcase a prop ring).

Since the ideas are mostly just-throwing-it-out-there concept stuff, there obviously isn’t a lot of detail about how any particular item might be built. However, as a jumping-off point for your own creative ideas, this is an amazing resource.

Posted in Resources | 2 Comments »

Hermione Granger and the Goddamned Patriarchy

March 9th, 2015 by Cobwebs


Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

Link Dump Ascending

March 6th, 2015 by Cobwebs

The Occasional Bat – Loads of fabric bats in various styles. (Hat tip to Fiend4Halloween)

Frankenstein Light Switch Plate – Pretty awesome pattern for a 3-D printable “mad scientist’s laboratory” switchplate.

De Herinacio. On the Hedgehog – A “nature video” based on a Medieval bestiary. In Latin with English subtitles.

The Big Idea: Peter Darbyshire – The author discusses his book The Dead Hamlets (a sequel to The Mona Lisa Sacrifice), which sounds like an interesting supernatural series.

Clownville – Photo shoot of particularly creepy clowns. Some NSFW.

Mysterious Forests You’d Love to Get Lost In – Lovely photos of forests that, if you do get lost in them, you might as well resign yourself to your fate because those roads probably lead to Narnia or Poictesme or somewhere else you’re not comin’ back from.

RIP Jerry – Redditor chairmanxiao gave his fish a Viking funeral. As you do.

Adult Wednesday Addams: Wednesday vs. Catcallers – Heh.

Knit Your Own Kama Sutra – Projects for “naughty knitters.” You can see an excerpt here

Somnia Romantica – Etsy shop full of really lovely, dark gothic fashion. (Hat tip to Fiend4Halloween)

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

The Face in the Woods

March 5th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Face in the WoodsImagine, if you will, hiking through the woods, miles from anyone. You round a corner and there, in a clearing, is this giant gawping face (click for larger). If you are anything like me, your first thought will be that you’ve stumbled onto some secret Wicker Man-esque cult and are about to be messily slaughtered. It’d certainly get your heart rate up.

This is an sculpture made of woven willow in Bradwell Wood in Staffordshire, England. It was built by a group called Willow Arts; you can see additional photos in their portfolio. It’s described as a “tribal mask,” but I prefer to think of it as a Spirit of the Woods. A really pissed-off one.

Weaving willow withies (say that five times fast) is a very old handicraft. If woven when green and then stuck back into the ground, they’ll root and continue to grow. If you’re interested in adding a little sculptural interest to your garden (or making smaller projects like baskets), you can find classes in willow weaving or search for tutorials online. Other bendy materials can be substituted if willow doesn’t grow well in your area.

There are some lovely examples of willow sculptures at Inspiration Green. One of the sculptors they mention, Trevor Leat, also makes willow coffins which would be neat for a green burial.

You could start small, learning to weave simple items, then eventually work your way up to larger, spookier pieces. Two or three of these howly faces dotted around the garden would certainly add…atmosphere.

Posted in Unhallowed Ground | 1 Comment »

Seen Online

March 4th, 2015 by Cobwebs

If I had wings I am confident they would be veiny and leathery and not cute feather ones.

I’d love to hear what would come out of my mouth if someone put a gun to my head and demanded that I commentate a football game

Keeping a blood capsule in my mouth for the next guy who tells me to smile.

there used to be door-to-door knife salesmen, which is roughly the most terrifying thing ever conceived

I’m not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there’s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.

If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?

I don’t call them naps, I call them die practice.

Will this job require me to use my hands because as you can see I have to hold my swords

DAD: Sorry it’s not a pony, honey. Best I could do
LITTLE GIRL: [riding gigantic earthworm] This is Princess Doomtube. She shall be feared

I like to think my rescue dog also rescued me, but mounting evidence suggests he himself committed the arson that fateful night.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 4 Comments »

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