Seen Online
The dinosaurs didnt “rule the earth” they were just alive stop giving them credit for administrative skills they almost certainly didnt have
— InternetHippo
First they came for the quantum physicists, but the quantum physicists hadn’t arrived, but also had left already, because fuck linear time.
— thewritertype
Feeling sick? Ask:
Have I eaten?
Am I dehydrated?
Change in caffeine intake?
Cursed by a nymph after insulting a tree?
Picked wrong goblet?
— grace_march
I’d like to think I have an adventurous spirit, but I probably would have climbed into the Narnia wardrobe and taken a nap on those coats.
— LizHackett
[Antiques Roadshow]
When this was first painted, the wolves were much further in the background. I would sell it before they reach the frame
— suntzufuntzu
When you die, a carny helps you out of your human body, waits to see if you’re going to throw up, then asks if you want to go again.
— HMittelmark
Bringing an octopus to a gun fight buys you at least 10 additional seconds while your opponent stands there going “…octopus…”
— KBSpangler
As an Australian it’s weird seeing Americans talk about some “Elf on the Shelf”. Do you not have the Christmas Spider or what
— Ettin64
Be afraid. But don’t be very afraid. Not yet. Everything could get much worse, and you’ll have peaked too early.
— thewritertype
Girls don’t want just any pockets. They want INDUSTRIAL POCKETS to fill with cake, nice rocks, pirate weapons, and a baby dragon they found.
— PaperFury
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