be the reason why men are afraid to sail past the island you live on.
— SketchesbyBoze

“What’s the point of living?” he asked.
“To help people, however you can,” said the oracle.
“That’s it?”
“It’s working for me.”
— ASmallFiction

Bookworms don’t want stories about heroes. Tell us the backstory of Evil That Does Not Sleep! Why can’t it sleep? Is everything ok at home??
— PaperFury

Guys. I’m here to red-pill you all.
You’ve never heard the actual Monster Mash. You’ve just heard a record *about* the Monster Mash.
Yeah.
— Lawrence_Miles

As his name is not “Biggest Bird”, we are to understand that Sesame Street is home to at least one, perhaps more, truly immense unseen birds
— tomwalkerisgood

every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
— KimmyMonte

Smartest thing I ever did was attach my keyring to this cursed doll, now if I lose my keys they reappear on my doorstep covered in blood
— timpratt

[blind date]
HER: I’m a ghost writer
ME {trying not to look too scared}: When did you die?
— TheToddWilliams

My delusions of grandeur are mostly limited to the belief that I’d be a GREAT addition to a post-apocalyptic scrappy band of misfits
— MaraWilson

what if when Dracula’s fangs came out they made that truck backing up noise
— iamspacegirl