Rest assured that the more animated my Grandpa is when he begins a story, the deader a person is at the end of the story. #oldpeople
— biloon

Every time you masturbate, God says, “YOU’RE WELCOME.”
— sween

My 3yr olds obsession with death makes me wonder if there is such a thing as a Gothling.
— MyTwistedVision

What do the Brits say when there’s actually blood on something?
— mikey_m00n

Michael J Fox should be the spokesman for a line of vibrators.
— NathanBacon

It’d be awkward if the Apocalypse came, but it was the Apocalypse of a dead religion? “Oh, uh, we’ve been waiting for this other dude…”
— Aimee_B_Loved

He’s Just Not That Manitou #sinisterfilms
David Cronenberg’s The Bad News Brood #sinisterfilms
Harold and Kumar Go to Hanging Rock #sinisterfilms
Yogoth Bear #sinisterfilms
— pattonoswalt

Preparing for the weekend’s big snowstorm by pruning the hedge maze.
— badbanana

When you burn your last bridge, the island that remains is really quite peaceful.
— peterbyrnes

“Bitch be crazy.” –Black Swan in tweet form.
— SethMacFarlane