The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

March 27th, 2012 by Cobwebs

I don’t have a train of thought so much as I have a bumper-car of impulse.
AinsleyofAttack

The only reason I’m nice to people is so one day when the news interviews them about me, they’ll say “I’m shocked, he was such a nice guy.”
Coastiefish

My Make-A-Wish wish would be to fire an assault rifle while Black Francis stands next to me, screaming.
BarrettChase

It would be fun to replace every EXIT sign in the world with ones that said ESCAPE. Also, they flicker ominously.
robdelaney

This Halloween I’m going to scare neighborhood children by jumping out from the bushes and explaining the college loan process to them.
hipstermermaid

It’s tragic that we’ll never know how annoying Oscar Wilde would have been on Twitter.
JoshMalina

I imagine the Zombie Apocalypse will feel exactly like Monday mornings.
Paxochka

Every office has a Saruman and a Grima Wormtongue.
thesulk

Guy yelling, wearing dress shirt and slacks: I’m looking to kill about 14 or 15 vampires today. If anyone could help me out and point me in the direction of a vampire lair, I could probably kill 8 or 9 there. Thank you.
Overheard in New York

Say what you will about the Father of Lies–he always showed up to Lies’ T-ball games.
StephenAtHome

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