Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll.
— _Snape_

If someone killed the 1st zombie, stopping a zombie apocalypse from happening, he\she would more than likely go to prison.
— rShowerThoughts

I just think Halloween is too small in its ambition. We can be creepy EVERY DAY.
— maureenjohnson

The best part of home ownership is that when I clean the house I pretend to be my own rebellious lady’s maid who’s getting above her station

And then when I’m done cleaning the house I can pretend to be my own queenly housekeeper who finds fault in my own work

A lot of home ownership is doing everything myself but pretending to be a complex staff of Regency-era servants and masters

Like I mopped yesterday but today I skated around my kitchen on Windexed paper towels grumbling about my unsatisfactory mopping

I shall have to have a word with myself, the slattern
— mallelis

75% of a Scandinavian park ranger’s job is rescuing black metal bands that get lost in the woods shooting album covers.
— ceejoyner

If someone doesn’t show up from the future to stop you how bad of an idea could it be?
— 1evilidiot

A dildo is the sex toy most likely to be referenced in a hobbit rap battle.
— elizabeth_fels

Disappointed there’s no Brazilian horror movie about tourists-turned-zombies called A Gringo Ate My Baby.
— missokistic

Are Medusa’s leg hairs tiny snakes?
— Shower Thoughts

You know those cutesy embroidery-looking graphics with, like, a butterfly saying “Be a bitch” or “Never Apologize” in cursive letters? (and the butterflies and flowers with faces and pastel colors are supposed to show that these are messages for women, only somehow that isn’t sexist)? They show up a lot on certain pop feminist blogs and they’ve always bugged me.

Anyway, I kind of want to do a series of opposite graphics. Like, a really metal looking t-rex saying in spiky, blood-dripping letters “Be polite to all you interact with” or a flaming shark saying “err on the side of apologizing if you think you may have hurt someone.” Fuck the “cutesy aggression” aesthetic. I want snarling, badass, compassionate etiquette.
— truffledmadness