If you give a man a fish, and he makes lemonade, you have found a weirdo.
— JerryThomas

Arkham’s Razor: A theory which suggests that the simplest explanation tends to lead to Cthulhu.
— wilw

Love is like Oxygen. It’s fairly soluble in water. Drown bitch!
— MODAT

We used to measure temperature using topless witches. Stupid scientists ruin everything.
— dysolution

I’m not bad with names, I’m just bad with caring.
— gothscifigirl

Black branches claw at the sky. A raven screams. I am out of chimichangas.
— sween

…And on the 8th day, God created Drama. And Eve was being like this total bitch, and Adam was like, “Seriously, just chill goddammit.”
— JephKelley

Worst words EVER uttered by a 4yo under a bridge on the bike path: “Look Daddy! I found a balloon!”
— musleh

I wonder if Frodo ever stood over Boromir’s grave and said, “Huh. I guess one *does* simply walk into Mordor.”
— sween

All Points Bulletin: Dyslexic zombie on the loose. Persons named Brian urged to proceed with utmost caution.
— nonsequiturific