This is the story of four little elves…well, three little elves…wait, two…this is the story of one little elf with a repeat-action pistol.
— TenSecondTales

Swim lessons went well for the boy.I told his dad we should throw him in the deep end.If he swims we save $30.If he sinks he was a witch.
— thefemmenoir

Doesn’t “abominable” sound like you started a word and then fell down a flight of stairs?
— Xytrex

I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams, she’s seen me in a lot of awkward situations.
— theJoeBiz

Stupid zombies won’t stay inside their chalk outlines.
— JerryThomas

Too bad if 90 percent of it is stupid. That’s how creativity works.
— Linus Torvalds

after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he’d drunk himself backward in time.
— Texts From Last Night