The Art of Darkness

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January 25th, 2012 by Cobwebs

I don’t go to the mailbox because that’s where the Responsibility Monster lives.

If someone catches you staring blankly into space & asks you what you’re looking at, shush them & whisper “ghost porn.”

It’d be fun to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off that first mask.

Mine’s the USS Everyone Gets Home Safe. RT @scottEweinberg: Prometheus. Icarus. Daedalus. Parsimonious. #badnamesforspaceships
The No Aliens Allowed. The Nobody Dies. The Sunshine Unicorn. The Punch and Pie. #myscifispaceship
cleolinda (More collected here)

Correct me if I’m wrong, but babies are the only parasites people keep and raise as pets after removing them from their bodies, right?

Marsha is a beautiful name for a supervillainess with an army of frogs.

Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.

Sometimes I fear that none of my work matters and I’m actually in this office so aliens can feed me coffee and harvest my pee.

Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane… ? What the fuck were they so excited about?

If I was a cab driver, I’d whisper “I could have kept you” to passengers before they got out.

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