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On the other hand, a zombie apocalypse would do wonders to clean up my Facebook friend list.
— thedayhascome
Roses are red, violets are red, sugar is red, I think I bled on my violets and sugar.
— meganamram
I know “Bambi” was just a movie, but I haven’t seen Bambi’s mom in any other movies and I’m starting to get worried.
— sucittaM
Dear obituary writers…there is no way someone who is 90 years old can ‘die suddenly’.
— VerifiedDrunk
Natural science: rhinoceros is to triceratops as Creed is to Slayer.
— AinsleyofAttack
All of my horcruxes are cheese.
— Andy_Richter
“Hey look my phone has full signal and my car started up just fine!” – dialogue in a very short horror movie
— robfee
Twilight movies are like the girl version of watching the Superbowl. In that they can only be enjoyed when really drunk.
— The Bloggess
Every year Santa appears in a sincere pumpkin patch and confuses the hell out of a small boy holding a blanket.
— angrysantaelf
Last time I saw tiny tots with their eyes all aglow, i was in The Village of the Damned.
– JerryThomas (hat tip to xJane)
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